I’m Back

Hi. How are you doing? I graduated army basic training and advanced individual training few weeks ago. Each was 9 weeks. It sucked. I was always sleepy and tired with so much stress. I will never go back.

When I was in field training in basic training, I read the scribbling from public field latrine. It said, the basic training worths going through one time in a life. That remained in my head, so I just endured it and finally met the end. It is hard time that I don’t even wanna remember anymore.

When I look back my writings of 8 momths, it’s obvious that I was in a sadness for a long time. It’s the sadness about love. I was soaked into my world. I loved inside my world. I loved the women there. I made up a lot of women based on the past memory. It seems the built world has some sort of sadness as well as hapiness. The sad part was always sweet although it starts to hurt when it exceed the certain point. I wasn’t brave enough to open my heart to real people and girls. As I meet more people, I get to know the real girls too. I noticed the girls have thier own worlds. I knew they have it but I truly felt it this time. Their worlds are much stronger than mine. It’s more defensive. It’s surrounded by the thick and high walls. I peeked through the wall crack. It feels more sad than mine although both basic structures are different. It may be because they feel more anxiety and fear.

My sadness doesn’t feel that big compare to them. It feels as if I just have to suck it up. I don’t have much experience with the girls. Those girls I was with used to swim in my head with sorrow. Nowadays, I don’t want to jump into that water to swim with them anymore. Where am I thinking now? I wonder what I wished for and why I struggled by missing and wishing them.

I’m changing little by little. I learn those lessons slow which most people learn them naturally and quickly. Now I have works to do. I will write some more poems probably. I hope it is healthier than what I used to write. Maybe it is less sad than before.

Leave a Reply