At Hospital

“How are you feeling? Nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Simmonds.”
“Nice to meet you too.”
“So, are you not sleeping well at night?” asked doctor looking at the medical record she received from her nurse.
“Umm… I can’t sleep at night and I can’t breathe well sometimes. It’s so painful.” He said calmly and quietly.
“Okay. Where exactly do you feel pain the most in your body? Is it a headache or…”?
“It’s… everything in my life is painful. Not just my body. I sometimes think that I just want to die when I cannot breathe.”
“During the past month, have you experienced any traumatic events that make you feel down, depressed, or hopeless?”
“The person I love died. It was a car accident. It happened right in front of me. Even though I was next to her, well… she didn’t recognize me. Maybe she thought I was someone else because she called someone else’s name to me.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. What name did she call you? Did she mistake you for someone else?”
“Ethan. She said Ethan. Maybe Ethan is her boyfriend or someone she loves.”
“So, she was not your girlfriend.”
“No, she was not.”
“You must have loved her very much. “
“Yes. She was the first person who had me feel the kindness and warmness for the first time in my life. When I was having a hard time, she sincerely cared and concerned about me. I wanted to give her the same feeling that she gave me. I feel guilty for not saving her. It’s killing me since then. I love her so much. After she died, I knew how much I love her and how painful it is to live the reality without her. She didn’t look at me more than a friend and it was just one-sided love from me. But it didn’t matter to me. I looked at her posts on her blog to find what she likes and what she wants. I wanted to give her everything she wants in the world. I always wanted to be with her, and I enjoyed every conversation with her. Her gait, her voice tone, her habits are still clearly remaining in my memory. It was just happy for me to spend the time with her together. I still can’t believe she doesn’t exist in the world. But I saw her death in front of my eyes. My mind is empty, and the world is empty. Where is she now? Can I see her again? Will I be able to see her again if I die? Please tell me. I feel like the best thing I can do is to end everything in my life and leave this world forever. I know I won’t be able to forget her.”
He said with calm voice suppressing his intensifying emotions.
“It will be hard for you now. It might take some more time to forget more painful memories and experiences.”
“I won’t be able to love again. I will never love again. Here in my heart, it hurts so much. How can I get rid of this pain in here?”


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