He wants to ask who she met yesterday but he doesn’t ask her. She replies coldly. He feels the indifference from her words. His compressed mouth slightly trembles. He talks to her. He pretends that everything is fine. He pretends that everything is same as before. He wants to believe it even if he knows that she is not same girl as she was before. He tries to find reason to make another date next time.
He murmurs while exercising, “I’m stronger. I have high stamina. I’m healthy. I’m getting stronger. My muscle is getting stronger. My stamina is increasing. My body is full of energy. I can do this forever.”
You didn’t seem reluctant when I went closer to you. You were slowly accepting me step by step. At least, I felt in that way. I’ve had imagined that moment endless times. You were pretty when you hesitate to show your everything. You tried to hide it at first but I knew you were gonna open your heart to me. When you finally showed me your everything, I thought of someone else. I thought of her and her boyfriend. I knew I would feel sad but I couldn’t help thinking of her. It made me more sad but at the same time I was enjoying myself. I looked at your face. You were looking through me with scared face. You sometimes just closed your eyes. You tried to smile at me but your face got serious again and again. I couldn’t think of her anymore. I was only looking at you.
I always wanted to be with her. She was looking at me in my dream last night. I couldn’t be brave to forget her. I trace my memory. Her every little movements are shortened. She is getting blurry. It is slowly fading away from memory. My figure that was only looking at you will soon naturally disappear like I forget my dream tomorrow.
She said to him, “You are cute.”
Father orders his oldest son to hit his second oldest son’s head with hammer. Father pricks his son’s side face and side neck with sharp stick. The youngest son did something wrong. The oldest son hit his younger brother’s head with hammer. He does but father is not satisfied, so father stops his moves and glares him. Father pricks his first son’s neck and head more. The first son blames his brother in his mind for making sin.
He goes back to his room to lay down on bed. He blankly sees his books on bookshelf. Younger brother comes to him but he is still blaming and hating him. His younger brother seems rather sympathetic to him, not an appreciation or apology. Older brother is upset. He doesn’t talk anything to his younger brother. Younger brother doesn’t talk anything to him neither.
He decides to go play with his friends. His younger brother follows him. He is playing soccer with his friends. He enjoys it. His younger brother only stands there and watches him playing. He only plays with his friends. He doesn’t play with his younger brother. He ignores his brother. He feels tingly pain in his neck. He touches his neck and finds his blood on his hand.
His younger brother is lying on the grass. Blood is all around his brother’s body. Younger brother is covering his eyes and forehead with his right arm. So he stops everything and goes to his younger brother in shock. His mind is urgent. He lifts his younger brother’s small body with 2 hands. Younger brother whispers in low voice, “I don’t believe.”
He holds his younger brother and run. Younger brother is whispering but he can’t hear him. The voice is too low. He looks at his younger brother whose face is hidden in his younger brother’s arm. He entreatingly wants to tell his younger brother to look at his face. He entreatingly wants to say sorry to his younger brother.
“Do you hear from people that you talk much? You talk too much. Stop talking meaningless stuff.”
“I just feel comfortable with you.”
“If you don’t want to be uncomfortable with me, stop talking now.”
After a silent moment.
“I’m so sorry I talked like that to you. I felt like I was getting swamped to your words and questions. I overreacted.”
“It’s okay. Since you leave sooner than I thought, I just wanted to talk with you more.”
He is waiting at the airport gate 71A. The boarding time is up but staff announces that entering will be delayed because of maintenance. After 10 minutes, the staff announces good news that they are ready. He enters into airplane, and he takes sleeping pill as soon as he takes a sit. Then he listen to music that he has memory with her. The one song is set to play over and over. Tears fall from his closed eyes. After 1 hour, the airplane starts to shake. The airplane falls and crash. After a short moment of bright light and deafening sound, he is standing in front of her of the past at that time.
I’m not sure if we are just friend or what. The way you look at me confuses me. Please tell me. What are we?
I’m not a perfect person. I can’t be the person you want me to be. You know it. Please stop this. Look at my face. I’m just a lonely person like others. I’m not your such thing as destiny.