I have loved her for a long time. I have missed her for a long time. My love toward her is my own thing only. My yearning for her has been overflowing in my heart. She won’t ever know how much I love her. But it doesn’t matter. Now, I can love her even without her next to me.
“Love is too difficult.” She says with smile. “I still feel lonely even if I have a boyfriend. Thank you for being here. I’m glad you are my friend. I’m comfortable with you. Let’s see each other longer than love.” He smiles back as it breaks his heart.
‘I love you.’ He says in his heart. ‘I hope the person who you feel sadness was me.’
‘I did it. I made it!’ He cheered in his mind walking down the stairs.
They are drunk. They are walking on the street even though they don’t know where they are exactly going. He puts his arm around her shoulder. She gets out of his arm and runs toward something pretending she found something. Then she comes back to him. He looks at her finding discomfort and disapproval. She looks as if she tries to keep a straight face from smile of shyness. They are walking together again. He takes her his home.
He opens his eyes lying in bed. He hears piano sound from neighborhood. It’s too bright and fast for him. He is not sure if it woke him up. He hopes that piano sound is slow and relaxing so he can be more relaxed from his awake. He imagines the melody of Chopin’s Nocturne Op.9 No.2. Then he listens to it. He realizes that he is still in dream. With not too much of a surprise, he decides to just enjoy it. He thinks it sounds more beautiful in dream.
He is walking with her.
He says, “I’m successful man now. After all hard workings, I could arrive here.. to meet you again. I have always thought of you. You are my only reason I’m standing here. I didn’t want to give up on you. I could not leave there because.. it’s complicated story. I can explain everything.”
she doesn’t say anything.
“I was immature and lonely. Living away from you was so painful for me. Thinking of you hurt me more. I struggled because of my inevitable situation blaming myself. I could not stand the pain so I decided not to contact you even though we promised to do it. Would you understand me?”
He likes how she looks when she says it with curiosity and amazement. He will never reveal that he likes it to see her over and over again.
She says that she doesn’t want to be with him anymore. She walks away from him. He says in a shock, “Don’t leave. Don’t leave me.” She stopped. She imagined how his face would look from his voice but she didn’t turn around. She walked few more steps, and he shouted her name, “Carol!” Then she turned around finding his crying face.
He looks closely at her eyes. She shrank little bit.
He says to her, “Your eyes remind me of someone.”
She asks, “Who?”
She saw a slight change on his face when she asked.
She says, “Thank you.” He is not sure how many times he heard the word from her. He is not doing it just to hear her saying thank you. He probably want something more than just that. And that is why he is sticking to her trying to do anything for her. Her appreciation with smile do not satisfy him anymore. He has done more and more meaningful things he can help her. He used to say, “You’re welcome,” but he doesn’t even reply to her anymore. His mind is in chaos that he can’t get out of.
He thinks, ‘The one who loves lose. What can I do? I guess I should be more sincere and loyal until she loves me back.’