Grief

I thought he was looking at the sky. I slowly walked to him. He didn’t notice me even when I was close to him. When I looked at his face, I was not sure if he was smiling or crying. So I put my hand on his shoulder. Then he turned his head to look at me. When he looked at me, he looked like he wanted to say something because I saw his mouth slightly moving. I unconsciously went one step close to him. He came one step close to me as well. He started to cry in my arms holding me.

Saying More

I will say more. Saying more means loving more. I believe that’s what I should do. I will fill the time with the words about you around us. Please don’t mind my silly questions I’m asking. It’s because I’m genuinely curious about you. Knowing you more means getting closer to you. But giving you a feeling that I’m a good person is an important concern to me. I might clearly remember how you look at my eyes when you are talking to me. The time I have with you is so precious that I will not even think about myself. We are going to set the same frequency so that you will know what I’m thinking just by looking at each other’s eyes. And I will be happy to know the way you look at the world. Then let me peek into the wall so I can see the castle you are living. Making you happy is my only purpose.

For One Only

I wish my sad feeling is wrong. If I find out our love is in vain… Wait for me where you can see the ocean. The fog will disappear soon. Everything will be clear then. I will embrace the past sadness. If I reflect on your lonely eyes, will you come to me? Won’t you look at me if only a lot of time pass? The one I will stay with forever is only you.

It’s Fine

I said it’s fine. It can happen. It’s not fine for you probably. But it’s not fine for me at all when you said you regret sleeping with the guy because you have been waiting for so long to sleep with the guy for the first time. When you told me that, my world collapsed and I wanted to cry. I remember the song goes like, there is always someone faster. Why did I like that line? Did you pretend to like me since I was just one of your lists you can try to sleep with? I did not want you to tell me that because I like you now. You could have kept it a secret forever although it may hurt you. I don’t know what to do now.

Softness

I will be just standing here crying if my loving one gets broken. So I don’t love anything. I’m afraid to see you getting broken because of me.

I’m afraid to be loved. I can’t love. I’m used to loneliness. Someone said don’t say that I’m used to loneliness because it’s too sad. But she is not here for me.

I want to be able to love. I want to be loved. I hope I could give my everything for love. Just only for you. Tell me you love me. Tell me assuredly.

Fear

Can I hold your hand? I feel heartbeat from the wrist. Is it yours or mine? Our trembling hands. Your warmness. I want to spend the night with you. The words do not fall from my mouth. My quivering eyes. Now I hear my heartbeat in my ears. I want to cuddle with you. Would you look at my eyes more than my trite words? I’ve been inside of you. But there is no space for me to be in you. Your breath. Your sigh. Your fear. Your hesitation. I have to go. You leave through the door without looking back.

Leadership

I have had great leadership in second platoon, Raptors. Sergeant Raf was my first squad leader. And I had Sergeant Davis, Sergeant Mcgaskey, Stevens and Uy in my squad. I still remember Sergeant Davis telling me that he has a faith in me when he became a Sergeant. Sergeant Davis genuinely cares about me, always wondering how I’m doing. That made me feel like I’m a part of a family. He talks a lot sometimes but there are wisdom and knowledge which come from his experience. He has tattoo in his both arms saying wisdom and knowledge. I learned a lot from his leadership. He shows us what true leader is by acting upfront, not just ordering what to do. I’m glad I could work with him. I believe he will be promoted to higher Non-commissioned officer someday for sure. I hope he spends good life and time in next duty station. Thank you.

Her Eyes

She reminds me of someone so I keep staring at her having a hard time snapping out of her look. I don’t know who she reminds me of but it’s someone I want to remember. I slowly recall the memory of someone’s figure that made me fall in love. She seems to recognize my gaze. She stares back at me wondering why I’m looking at her, as if she is trying to ask me what I want. I feel that she stares right back at me. I know it can be weird but I don’t want to avoid the eye contact with her because I’m stuck trying to remember her. I want to know who it was. It makes me nervous that she might get mad at me for looking at her. About five seconds later, she turns her head to pay attention to other thing. What just happened? Although she is not looking at me, she would be aware of me. The way her eyes look resembled someone I loved.

Sweet Lie

You said I need you always, every night thinking of me. I can feel that you are not trying to hurt my feeling. You know I’m serious. I can’t do anything. Oh please what should I say to you? Just say no. Or say yes. If you cannot answer to me, please just stay with me like this. Don’t gloss over my eyes. Don’t go away from me. Please say anything even though it hurts my feeling. Don’t avoid me. Even though what you say is a lie, it will be sweet.