Heaviness

She doesn’t act cute, but she is always cute when there is even no sign of emotion on her face. The cute and small girls seem to belong to another creature. She was like a smoke. It looks like she is there so I stretch my hand to touch it but it is not there. There is nothing. It is hard to figure out what she really is. A liar or a monster would be the words to describe her. My heart gets heavy just by thinking of her. When I happen to talk about her, I become a burden to myself. I make myself tired. I’ve been trying to forget her for way too long time. I’ve been suffering from her traces left on my eyes of view top side. I tortured myself. It feels to me that I can still see her. Just a feeling. Her voice would reach me in a blink of eyes. I used to find myself lying on my bed every night, hugging her figure which is non-existent, waiting for the phone to ring. But now I know how to stop myself right before where I feel myself heavy.

Choices

He hugged her from behind. She was looking outside through the transparent glass. He looked at her slightly blushed left face.

“You’re so cute,” said the man.

She smiled shyly. Then she opened the door and went outside. He followed her, but she was gone. The ground is sandy. There were stairs to underground place in front of him. The sky was bright but where he stood was shadowy because of small old houses surrounding him. He took a path to the stairs. As he reached the underground after walking down a long and dark round stair, his phone rang. He picked up the phone. It was her.

“I’m on the ground. Come and see me,” she said.

“Okay. I will be there.”

He hung up the phone. Another stair was in front of him. When he took a first step on stairs, something flashed through his mind. It wasn’t a voice. He did not understand where it was coming from. It gave him two options and he felt that he had to make a choice between them. First one was that he cannot have sex with her, but he can be with her and protect her forever. The second option was that he can have sex with her, but she can have sex with all other men too.