I believed if time pass, I will forget her. If I run away from her, I believed other people will fill my heart. I still remember her even now. She was quiet and introvert person. The regrets that I have for my weakness are killing me. I can’t forgive myself that ran away from the person that made my heart beat fast. I was bold enough to praise her beautiful face and I was proud of myself that I smoothly approach to her although I was drunk. It was the first time I was so drunk. The smirk I saw from people for my action when I praised her haircut gave me weird satisfaction. Her shy smile made me look inside of me who still don’t know what love is. I sometimes think of her in the day like I’m drunk. I wish I could see her shy smile again.
The pastor told me to try praying. So I did it.
“Please listen to my wish. Please tell me my wish will come true. Please tell me how to do it.”
“Just do it yourself.”
“Why? Why don’t you tell me?”
“You won’t do it anyway.”
“You are right. I’m too tired. I smoke too much. I don’t even have a passion in anything.”
“Why don’t you say anything? Please tell me. What should I do?”
Then I fall asleep.
I’m tired of going to church.
My dream failed but it is accomplished as I die.
I have no right and courage to cry.
We all look different but we are all friends.
It has been hard to meet each other,
But we are all friends after all.
What you want is what I want.
I swear to our hands held together.
Your eyes telling me to cheer up,
Your smile encouraging me to live,
Remember our beautiful memories.
We all walk on with our dreams.
I stand on the street at night,
Holding slowly burning cigarette.
After all the tough time passed,
Only the sadness left on my eyes.
I wish the moon my wishes
In the chilly darkness of small island,
Hoping my wishes reach the moon.
Hoping the wind don’t scatter them away
Looking at the moon surrounded by cloud
Until it illuminates my future.
You did not leave me.
You did not go to other man.
You did not stop loving me.
You will come back to me after this night.
You don’t ignore me.
I don’t cry at all.
So don’t try to calm me down.
You stay next to me.
We are not done.
You did not forget our love.
You did not leave me.
The people look for the eternity. They try to own it forever. Their words and behaviors draw eternity.
Nothing lasts forever.
However, I don’t know if their desires are meaningless and if it is bad.
I inevitably look for someone similar to you. I’m afraid of looking for the past you. I’m afraid of present you. I’m afraid of admitting the fact that I cannot make you mine forever. I’m afraid of the reality I cannot return to that moment. I’m afraid of bygone days, this world, and people. You may already know that I’m afraid of everything. You know I’m not a confident one. But you will not know that I don’t care.
I don’t have a power. Likewise, I don’t even have a energy to compromise with world little by little. I don’t rely on luck. However, I want to believe that someone will change me. That someone is close to me. I believe that someone will come close to whisper the promises. Although even that promises are not eternal also, I will throw myself as I’m told to do because I’m afraid of you and everything.
I’ve got this strange feeling. I can’t ignore it. This must be the memory from my past life. I’m missing somebody. I’m caring somebody so much. It came to me when nothing is going on in my life. I can’t recall the dream when I wake up. I lose too much fragments. How do I know this feeling when I don’t feel this at all in reality? I’m trying my best to remember it. This is important to me. Who is this I am missing? I am afraid of forgetting this person but it won’t be forgotten. This love has been with me for a long long time. It must be love of my life. I can only meet them in a dream. It’s because it is in a dream. Maybe it’s because I miss them so much. I keep thinking of them.
But you are gone
I don’t want to be alone again
Among these fond lovers
I should have turned around before you recognize me in that snowy night
The guy who invited me to dinner
The look on your face holding small box on your hand waiting for me in front of my home
The secret only sky knew
My pouring tears
Could you tell me once you loved me too before you leave me?
Beautifully white street and carol song
Although you will never be able to love me again
You will not make me cry again
I don’t want to be alone
But you are gone
You are awkward but your effort is cute and beautiful
Your way of loving
Wind embrace hands on me
When I silently lean over you
For my closed heart
For my painful heart