First Sight

Andy found the job after the college graduation thanks to his professor. He was disappointed with the company because it was not a big company and people said it might go under anytime soon. But since his professor connected the company for him, he decided to do his best to return the favor. Before he knows it, all four seasons passed by. Most of his colleagues who started at the same time quitted the job but him and his friend, Tom, remained in the company. He sometimes had a chance to meet his old friends from college but usually they could not make the schedule. Even though they all had a same major in the college, they got the jobs from different kind of companies. He sometimes considered studying more in the school.
Andy met Julia for the first time at the school campus. He is not very tall or short guy. He was rarely described as an attractive from the people around him. He usually went to class by himself walking to the classroom since the dorm where he was living was close to it. One day, when he habitually turned around from the classroom building door before he opens it, he saw Julia with her friend walking toward him. When he saw her, he fell in love with her at first sight. He felt as if he was playing a role in a play. Later when he heard her telling her friends that she doesn’t believe in falling in love at first sight, he was disheartened.
He had a fear that he might not be able to love someone else but himself. It’s not that he was not interested in finding a girlfriend. He has been thinking that it is too much for him to carry the love because he was afraid of losing control of himself and opening himself to others than him. ‘Should I live alone forever if I can never love someone?’ But his uncertainty turned into strange weight at once when he saw her. What he saw was her smile. She was walking with her friend. He felt strange friendly feeling. ‘I hope she smiles at me now,’ he thought. It might have been because he was too tired studying for the exam until late night lately. He stood there looking at her like the time is compressed around him. He was not sure who he was looking at, so he looked away. He focused his sight on her again and looked away again. He was imagining her in his head several times. The figure of her short haircut with an ordinary t-shirt was walking toward his way. The bright sunshine of afternoon was manifesting her glittering smile. ‘I want to see her smile more.’ His palms started to feel sweaty. His tired body started to feel heavier. ‘I don’t want to be alone anymore,’ he was feeling what he was about to talk to himself in his mind.

It’s Fine

I said it’s fine. It can happen. It’s not fine for you probably. But it’s not fine for me at all when you said you regret sleeping with the guy because you have been waiting for so long to sleep with the guy for the first time. When you told me that, my world collapsed and I wanted to cry. I remember the song goes like, there is always someone faster. Why did I like that line? Did you pretend to like me since I was just one of your lists you can try to sleep with? I did not want you to tell me that because I like you now. You could have kept it a secret forever although it may hurt you. I don’t know what to do now.

Sweet Lie

You said I need you always, every night thinking of me. I can feel that you are not trying to hurt my feeling. You know I’m serious. I can’t do anything. Oh please what should I say to you? Just say no. Or say yes. If you cannot answer to me, please just stay with me like this. Don’t gloss over my eyes. Don’t go away from me. Please say anything even though it hurts my feeling. Don’t avoid me. Even though what you say is a lie, it will be sweet.