I have had great leadership in second platoon, Raptors. Sergeant Raf was my first squad leader. And I had Sergeant Davis, Sergeant Mcgaskey, Stevens and Uy in my squad. I still remember Sergeant Davis telling me that he has a faith in me when he became a Sergeant. Sergeant Davis genuinely cares about me, always wondering how I’m doing. That made me feel like I’m a part of a family. He talks a lot sometimes but there are wisdom and knowledge which come from his experience. He has tattoo in his both arms saying wisdom and knowledge. I learned a lot from his leadership. He shows us what true leader is by acting upfront, not just ordering what to do. I’m glad I could work with him. I believe he will be promoted to higher Non-commissioned officer someday for sure. I hope he spends good life and time in next duty station. Thank you.
She reminds me of someone so I keep staring at her having a hard time snapping out of her look. I don’t know who she reminds me of but it’s someone I want to remember. I slowly recall the memory of someone’s figure that made me fall in love. She seems to recognize my gaze. She stares back at me wondering why I’m looking at her, as if she is trying to ask me what I want. I feel that she stares right back at me. I know it can be weird but I don’t want to avoid the eye contact with her because I’m stuck trying to remember her. I want to know who it was. It makes me nervous that she might get mad at me for looking at her. About five seconds later, she turns her head to pay attention to other thing. What just happened? Although she is not looking at me, she would be aware of me. The way her eyes look resembled someone I loved.
As my wisdom teeth come out, it all ended. My love ended. And my heart ended. But rest of my teeth still talk. It still lives on. My life still lives on although it doesn’t have the direction. My wisdom teeth resisted to come out of my mouth that makes my mouth hurt. My heart hurts. It is still coming out of my mouth. It did not come out yet. The pain is still hurting my mouth. It all ended but my love stays in my mouth.
I pray for unending time whenever I meet you. Time goes fast, said every old men I have met in my life. It is indeed fast. Time has been too short to express my feelings. Loving is an unfamiliar behavior for me, but if this conversion is not a love I don’t know what is. I’m thinking of you in every moment, but I’m becoming insecure. I will love you without anyone knowing it. I will love you even after I am born again. We have met in an improbable odds. Among all the countries in this world, all the states, all the cities, and out of all the people we have passed by, we met in this place. You might say it is too early for us to say love. You might think of me as a frivolous man. If you trust me, my time will stop. I will not say anything anymore. Say yes. Say that you will always be in the unending time with me.
Flying through the rain falling silently, quietly, a tired small bee sits on the flower.
I’ve let down my first flower in my life. I thought that I could live for her forever no matter how it is hurting and painful, but I know, I should respect what she loves mean more than anything. Even though other bees took all your nectar, it doesn’t matter. I’m just happy to find the flower in this rain. Please hug me. I’ve been waiting for this moment. More than one hundred times, no, more than one thousand times, I thought I want to say that I want to be hugged. Please give me your love. Please give me your dream. Please be my unforgettable memories. What is done is done. I will forget her. I will always be here with you. I will always be cheerful. Please smile for me. Please listen to my stories. I will always be your light. Please be my everything. I will be your everything. Please don’t wither away for me.
I cannot love you. Please don’t love me. I’m everyone’s flower. When this rainy night pass, you will be able to see more beautiful flowers in this ground standing under the bright sunshine. If you choose me for my beauty, I will be left to die someday. You will fly away from me. I can’t trust you. I can’t trust what bees say to me anymore. I will be lonely. All I wanted was a respect for being myself. As I try to hold them, they are vanishing before me. I can only be a shelter to you from this rain. You will never come back for me again. Please forget about me. Do it when you can. Please leave me. When the rain stops, your tears will cleanse your painful memories. I hope you find the flower that only loves you.
“Where are you from? How old are you?”
“What do you think?”
“You are so beautiful. You are so pretty. Yes I’m in heaven. I can’t breathe. I’m not good at talking with girls. It’s easy but it’s hard. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.”
She slowly and naturally comes close to me.
I don’t know what to do.
“I’m the first person to be with you here?”
‘Why am I feeling sad about you? Why do I care about the guys you will meet here? I have a feeling that it will be a hurting one.’
“You are so cute.”
“Will you come again?”
“Yes I will.”
I can still smell her from me.
After a week.
My awkward smile. My defense system and fear. Always closed heart.
Although we are fully naked to each other, I’m still the same. I even doubt your figure holding on my arm.
“You are an angel.”
I like your blurry eyes. You are the love itself. A lot of stars shine on the sky but your love shines more than any stars. I’ve never experienced this emotion before. I don’t know if I deserve to feel this.
I look at your eyes. I feel my awkward smile change to sad face. The more I concentrate on you, the more sadness draws on my face. I didn’t mean to make that face. I see you look down. I’m getting more desperate on the finite youth.
I’m fingering you.
I said, “Your inside is soft and warm.”
Then you ask me again how I feel inside of you, but I don’t know how to describe it.
“You are so wet. Soft and…”
“I don’t know.”
I want to say the words you might like but I don’t know what to say. I don’t deserve to say that I write poems.
“What’s your name?”
You don’t tell me what your name is. I don’t have any other intention. I just want to remember you.
“Okay, baby doll.”
I try my best to hide the disappointment. I don’t want to be pushy to you.
“I have never met an open-minded person like you.”
This is nothing to you.
The woman who tries the best to satisfy the man. But I’m not a person like you. I want to be with you longer. I want you to stay with me longer so that you don’t go to the other men.
After everything is over, I came back to awkward man. I don’t know what to say. I feel out of place.
How would it be if I met you outside of this room? It would have been better if I did not meet you like this.
I want to be with you longer.
Only if I can make you happy.
I want to know what you do.
It just makes me so happy seeing you preparing to go outside.
I was there
When you were happy
I was there
When you were smiling
I was there
When you wanted to say you
I was there
When you wanted to say me
I was there
When you were having a hard time
I was there
When you were scared of the world
I was there
When you wanted to complain
I was there
When you wanted to cry
I was there
When you fell asleep
I was just there
When you needed someone
Too much wasted time.
Too many junks I have put in my head.
I attempt to wake up but the head keeps going numb.
I attempt to exert but I’m afraid of getting another scar in my heart.
Thereupon, my heart stays calm to happiness and sadness.
This long peace gets easily swayed by the radiant winds in the desert.
This long waiting is for searching the blooming rose in the desert.
Scary but soft touch crawls my body.
The trust I have on you make myself unarmed. It comes from my little effort.
When I open my powerlessly closed eyes I find the dark eyes looking at me. It’s my fear that I made up just now.
I close my eyes again. The silence is rather more relaxing than asking something.
But I feel your hard coldheartedness.
I won’t touch it.
But I might touch it in my imagination.
There is a shielded wall that I can’t climb. It requires physical time and effort to be able to break it.
My desire and request get turned down by your accumulated experience and expertness, so the frustration surrounds my hands, legs, and eyes.
I got off of my path again, or I might be closer to it.
I believed if time pass, I will forget her. If I run away from her, I believed other people will fill my heart. I still remember her even now. She was quiet and introvert person. The regrets that I have for my weakness are killing me. I can’t forgive myself that ran away from the person that made my heart beat fast. I was bold enough to praise her beautiful face and I was proud of myself that I smoothly approach to her although I was drunk. It was the first time I was so drunk. The smirk I saw from people for my action when I praised her haircut gave me weird satisfaction. Her shy smile made me look inside of me who still don’t know what love is. I sometimes think of her in the day like I’m drunk. I wish I could see her shy smile again.