Baby Doll

“Where are you from? How old are you?”

“What do you think?”

“22?”

“Correct”

Smiles

“You are so beautiful. You are so pretty. Yes I’m in heaven. I can’t breathe. I’m not good at talking with girls. It’s easy but it’s hard. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.”

She slowly and naturally comes close to me.

I can’t.

I don’t know what to do.

“I’m the first person to be with you here?”

‘Why am I feeling sad about you? Why do I care about the guys you will meet here? I have a feeling that it will be a hurting one.’

“You are so cute.”

“Will you come again?”

“Yes I will.”

I can still smell her from me.

After a week.

My awkward smile. My defense system and fear. Always closed heart.

Although we are fully naked to each other, I’m still the same. I even doubt your figure holding on my arm.

“You are an angel.”

I like your blurry eyes. You are the love itself. A lot of stars shine on the sky but your love shines more than any stars. I’ve never experienced this emotion before. I don’t know if I deserve to feel this.

I look at your eyes. I feel my awkward smile change to sad face. The more I concentrate on you, the more sadness draws on my face. I didn’t mean to make that face. I see you look down. I’m getting more desperate on the finite youth.

I’m fingering you.

I said, “Your inside is soft and warm.”

Then you ask me again how I feel inside of you, but I don’t know how to describe it.

“You are so wet. Soft and…”

“And?”

“I don’t know.”

I want to say the words you might like but I don’t know what to say. I don’t deserve to say that I write poems.

“What’s your name?”

“No.”

You don’t tell me what your name is. I don’t have any other intention. I just want to remember you.

“Okay, baby doll.”

I try my best to hide the disappointment. I don’t want to be pushy to you.

“I have never met an open-minded person like you.”

This is nothing to you.

The woman who tries the best to satisfy the man. But I’m not a person like you. I want to be with you longer. I want you to stay with me longer so that you don’t go to the other men.

After everything is over, I came back to awkward man. I don’t know what to say. I feel out of place.

How would it be if I met you outside of this room? It would have been better if I did not meet you like this.

I want to be with you longer.

Only if I can make you happy.

I want to know what you do.

It just makes me so happy seeing you preparing to go outside.

I Was There

Accidentally

I was there

When you were happy

I was there

When you were smiling

I was there

When you wanted to say you

I was there

When you wanted to say me

I was there

When you were having a hard time

I was there

When you were scared of the world

I was there

When you wanted to complain

I was there

When you wanted to cry

I was there

When you fell asleep

I was just there

When you needed someone

Dwell

Too much wasted time.

Too many junks I have put in my head.

I attempt to wake up but the head keeps going numb.

I attempt to exert but I’m afraid of getting another scar in my heart.

Thereupon, my heart stays calm to happiness and sadness.

This long peace gets easily swayed by the radiant winds in the desert.

This long waiting is for searching the blooming rose in the desert.

Touch

Scary but soft touch crawls my body.

The trust I have on you make myself unarmed. It comes from my little effort.

When I open my powerlessly closed eyes I find the dark eyes looking at me. It’s my fear that I made up just now.

I close my eyes again. The silence is rather more relaxing than asking something.

But I feel your hard coldheartedness.

I won’t touch it.

But I might touch it in my imagination.

There is a shielded wall that I can’t climb. It requires physical time and effort to be able to break it.

My desire and request get turned down by your accumulated experience and expertness, so the frustration surrounds my hands, legs, and eyes.

I got off of my path again, or I might be closer to it.

Drunk

I believed if time pass, I will forget her. If I run away from her, I believed other people will fill my heart. I still remember her even now. She was quiet and introvert person. The regrets that I have for my weakness are killing me. I can’t forgive myself that ran away from the person that made my heart beat fast. I was bold enough to praise her beautiful face and I was proud of myself that I smoothly approach to her although I was drunk. It was the first time I was so drunk. The smirk I saw from people for my action when I praised her haircut gave me weird satisfaction. Her shy smile made me look inside of me who still don’t know what love is. I sometimes think of her in the day like I’m drunk. I wish I could see her shy smile again.

Friend

I have no right and courage to cry.

We all look different but we are all friends.

It has been hard to meet each other,

But we are all friends after all.

What you want is what I want.

I swear to our hands held together.

Your eyes telling me to cheer up,

Your smile encouraging me to live,

Remember our beautiful memories.

We all walk on with our dreams.

You

The people look for the eternity. They try to own it forever. Their words and behaviors draw eternity.

Nothing lasts forever.

However, I don’t know if their desires are meaningless and if it is bad.

I inevitably look for someone similar to you. I’m afraid of looking for the past you. I’m afraid of present you. I’m afraid of admitting the fact that I cannot make you mine forever. I’m afraid of the reality I cannot return to that moment. I’m afraid of bygone days, this world, and people. You may already know that I’m afraid of everything. You know I’m not a confident one. But you will not know that I don’t care.

I don’t have a power. Likewise, I don’t even have a energy to compromise with world little by little. I don’t rely on luck. However, I want to believe that someone will change me. That someone is close to me. I believe that someone will come close to whisper the promises. Although even that promises are not eternal also, I will throw myself as I’m told to do because I’m afraid of you and everything.

Past Life

I’ve got this strange feeling. I can’t ignore it. This must be the memory from my past life. I’m missing somebody. I’m caring somebody so much. It came to me when nothing is going on in my life. I can’t recall the dream when I wake up. I lose too much fragments. How do I know this feeling when I don’t feel this at all in reality? I’m trying my best to remember it. This is important to me. Who is this I am missing? I am afraid of forgetting this person but it won’t be forgotten. This love has been with me for a long long time. It must be love of my life. I can only meet them in a dream. It’s because it is in a dream. Maybe it’s because I miss them so much. I keep thinking of them.

But you are gone

My friend

But you are gone

I don’t want to be alone again

Among these fond lovers

I should have turned around before you recognize me in that snowy night

The guy who invited me to dinner

The look on your face holding small box on your hand waiting for me in front of my home

The secret only sky knew

My pouring tears

Could you tell me once that you loved me too before you leave me?

Beautifully white street and carol song

For love

My friend

Promise me

Although you will never be able to love me again

Not to make me cry again

I don’t want to be alone

But you are gone