Her purity and innocence break down. Her eyes are barely opened above her blushed cheeks. The reddish heat paint her blankly frowned face and clean white body. She feels his vigorous sight. Slightly opened mouth makes short and high pitched sound of crying repeatedly. She cannot resist herself anymore although she is thinking of going back to where everything was under her control. Both yes and no happen to her mind simultaneously which make her say yes and no frequently. She puts her left hand in front of her mouth unconsciously. The sweat on her temple and her panting show how hard she tried to please herself. Her hands naturally arrive to his thighs and arms. She promptly reacts to his every forceful but sweet words with submissive smile. She is not as same as the girl when he met for the first time. Everything of her purpose changed in 30 minutes that give him a feeling of dominance and triumph. She doesn’t look the same.
I miss you. Are we done? Did you really leave me? You don’t reply to my email anymore. I couldn’t live my life because I couldn’t forget you. Please don’t be disappointed to my foolish appearance. Every day in my life is meaningless without you. I can’t pass my day without tears. But are you really okay without me? Are you crying in someone else’s arms? Today, I found your cold medicine you left in my home. You used to catch a cold when the weather gets chilly. I’m worried about you, and I cannot stop thinking of you. My heart might explode now. I miss you so much. Don’t cry in anyone’s arms anymore. I will come for you.
You are an angel. The angel who is looking at my eyes of shame and saying it’s fine, is you. Do I deserve to be with an angel who hugs and soothes me with angelic smile on face? My firmly closed heart even impresses me. However, have I ever relied on someone like this before? I can’t take my eyes off you because I have to see your smile. It seems I can feel your smile. There won’t be a woman like you in the world. No, never. It’s because I have lived my whole life for this moment to be with you. Your beautiful and warm heart was waiting to be found. It took quite a long time for me to finally see you. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for believing me. I will protect your world forever.
He said, “I need to tell you something. You are so pretty. I want to spend the night with you. I know you are not like other girls. You are different and special. I have never said this to any other girls, but I want to have sex with you.”
He grabbed her hand and said, “Let’s go.”
She follows him.
“Were you and him just friends or..?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m just curious. Did you make out with him? Like more than just friends?”
He noticed her face getting stiff and serious.
“Just friend,” she replied.
A shy but smart and dedicated little engineering girl. I like your smile and tail-colored hair. But your eyes are unforgettable. The sincerity of your words and considerate manner of your obscured pretending touch my heart and remain in it for a long time. If only I could be that person to someone. My apathy. My awkwardness that I have been living with. My old wish. The place that I have left open. Refreshing rain pouring on my dried heart by the cloud in hot summer sky. I want to become everything in the world for you. Just being with you like today is a huge pleasure that I can’t express. I wonder if you know that. We are young, but are we running out of time. We are slowly opening heart to each other. Our story is not over yet. Sad things look beautiful. In this endless meeting of people, madly I ended up meeting you in this foreign land. Let’s go on a journey to the star of splendor.
“I can give up everything if I can meet her again. I give up my everything.”
He asked, “You don’t know if she will love you back. Is it still fine for you?”
“It’s fine. I just want to say what I should have said before. I have regretted so much for not telling her. I need to tell her that I love her. It doesn’t matter even though she doesn’t love me.”
He said with serene grin on his shadowy face, “I will send you where she is.”
After a blink of eyes, he was in somewhere he doesn’t recognize anything around him. Then he found her standing on the street. She seemed to be looking for something. And she checked her phone. He rushed to her with his eyes fixed on her. When she found him rushing to her, she flinched little. He stopped in front of her panting hard. She looked at him with surprise. He barely opened his mouth.
“Hi it’s me, Ray. I wanted to tell you something.” His voice is now confident with a strong conviction. He was feeling himself that he was getting more desperate to tell her what he wanted to say. He was still breathing a bit due to rush.
“I love you. I love you with all my heart.”
He felt relief.
She said see you later and have a good day. They both waved their hands to each other. She walks away. He stands still and watches her leave. Turn around and look at me. Turn around. Turn around. He keeps saying it. But she doesn’t turn around. She keeps walking. Maybe she is not interested in me. He thinks. He walks away.
It’s rainy night on the street. The music sound from somewhere. No more white shining smile of you. Rain erase our memory of all love. Although time passed, I hate to show my loneliness which is still with me. As I stand alone on this dark street, I look at the emptiness of your figure of my own world. The reflection of my shabby shape on the glass. I think of the love again that we couldn’t achieve. The blurred vision in my eyes by the rain. The fog surrounding your cold smile. I’d like to forget you when this night pass.
When I was 13 years old, I used to text with a girl who was my friend’s ex-girlfriend. I used my folder phone to send messages back and forth. I don’t remember how I got her number. I probably got it from my another friend’s phone book. I don’t know why I got interested in her, and I remember introducing myself to her as his ex-boyfriend’s friend. She was going to different school. I saw her face only once at a glance in a picture so I didn’t know how she looked like. We kinda flirted in that age level everyday for few months. We were open to each other as we were getting to know each other’s different gender. I don’t remember what I told her and what she told me, but the feeling of that time is still remained in me. Every message was naive and pure. I once asked her to send me her face of photo and she did. Her face on a photo was half-blocked by her phone taken in the bathroom with the cute pink hood sweatshirt. I was really immersed into her whether she is pretty or not. I really wanted to meet her outside of text message. My genuine and pure curiosity toward a girl was developing in that age, actively dreaming of love in every night in my days. It was not even about having a sex. My heart got touched by something whenever I thought of her. As I look back now, the moment every boy experience in that age was happening to me with her. Then the tragedy happened.
I accidentally dropped my phone into the toilet. I think I slipped the phone after washing my hands or face. I promptly took the phone out of it with sinking feeling but it was too late. It seemed everything was over when I dropped it in water. My phone was not turning on and responding at all. I tried to dry my phone with hair dryer and it didn’t help either. I could not talk to her. I did not memorize her number. There was no other way to contact her without my phone. Since the phone is just broken, I couldn’t pull out any phone number or photos from it. They said it would cost more money to fix the phone so it would be better to just buy a new phone. And I even had to change my number to buy the new phone cheaply because it was my fault to drop the phone into toilet. Maybe I was not thinking well enough. I couldn’t insist on keeping the number, and maybe I wasn’t sure if she was gonna text me back. I wanted to talk to her again but it was just the way it was. I couldn’t reach her. I didn’t know where she was living. I didn’t do anything particular to find her honestly. It might be because I did not want to meet her that enough. Or I was too young to acknowledge and express what my mind say to me. I don’t know why I did not try to find her number. It was my friend’s ex-girlfriend after all. I think I just spent my days in a dull state. I don’t have a memory how I was after that. I’m the person who just disappeared and ran away from her point of view.
I probably had a fear understanding my emotional state. It was probably a good timing to just run away from her which was everything I loved and feared. I believe I liked texting, and I was quite good at flirting through texting messages with girls before I started to talk to her. I can’t talk to girls through text messages anymore. Now, I don’t know what to say and I worry about everything. The guilt I have toward spectral figure of her in the photo she sent me put my pounding heart on the brake every time I see another girl in my phone.