I know you are not mine. You belong to somebody you love. You tell me how good he is. You whisper how wonderful and cool person he is so I can feel how much you love him. It’s nothing for me. I wonder why you are telling me that but I will listen to you. I believe that you will love me as much as you love him. I know that the girls will stay away from me as much as they can when I say my love. Although I know it, I often wish you still recognize my heart for you. I’d like to trap myself in my fantasy and even enjoy my world, as if I don’t learn girls, being aware that you will get further away from me. But still, I just keep waiting for you in the endless rain.
I am a burden. I give you a pressure. I go close to you that I make you feel unbearable. You step away from me. Selfishly, I speak in the name of love. I can feel that you will run away from me in any moment. I’m obsessed to the meaningless enlightenment as if I believe I can catch the wind with my hands. I doubt my mind and you. I consider going all out for you as a rightful deed. However, the unacceptable consequences seem to prove that my everything is wrong. I perceive my inability to feel happiness as I see myself not understanding your every small parts of your heart. Recalling my unfortunate happenings and my reactions to the feeling of love toward her of the past draws that my love is distorted. It’s my fault that you are afraid of my obscurity.
I couldn’t find my way of life without you. My heart still leans toward you as the seasons change. It only looks at you and feels you. I’ve never had you but I’m afraid of losing you again. I keep my love for you. Your voice heals my scars and allows me to forget my hate and sadness. The past days remain in me like a dream. I used to fall asleep while listening to your singing voice. You are still the same in the picture but I’m the only one getting old. Let me live and stay in your heart forever.
I will be here for you until you find what you truly want to do. I will not go anywhere far from you. Believe in me even when you get anxious because I believe what you told me is real. I want to say every beautiful words to you. You will remember how I describe our love. I will make our love bigger and bigger until it pushes away everything else in your heart, even yourself. When I hold you tight, I hope you feel it is right. I want you to hold me tight like we are becoming one.
I have never seen a girl with the eyes like you in my life. Look at my eyes with your beautiful eyes for a long time. Look close to my face. Then I will be able to feel your love. And gently smile for me. Sincerely smile for me. I’m asking you to love me. Always, smile like that for me and tell me you love me holding my hand. The reason I’m living in this world is your smile. Let’s travel around the world and find many joyful places. We will make memorable moments of our lives. Let’s see a lot of beautiful things you want to see. I will be next to you and take care of you.
I randomly think of what to say to you. When one idea comes up to my head, I think of how you would react to me because I want to show you only the good part of me. You will see me as a flake. I abandon the idea. Not this. Not that. After I pick and pick what to say to you, then I say something safe but weird. As soon as I say that, I feel that I’m so awkward. Why did I say that? I regret myself again. The action of this nerdy process with exhaustive emotions itself seems to indicate that I’m already a failure. Now I will be true to myself. Would you like to go out with me?
Your words of expressions make me feel that I’m being loved by you. Your love can show me whole another world like I’m living a new life. I’m getting off from my path I’ve been walking. The love songs I have always listened sound sweet to me today. It’s as if you are telling me you love me. I know you will be more lovely and sweeter than their voices. When I hear from you, I will be really happy. It seems today will go happily. Now I can say I feel so good like I finally found what I lost long time ago.
Maybe many people can fill in your mind but you are the only one in my mind. I know you will be smiling to the guys who are taller and more handsome than me. I try my best to be the most important person in your mind. I will try harder. Will my jealousy go away if I can make you smile and laugh? Will it disappear from my mind if I see your genuine smile? It feels like there is a wall around you that I have to put all my efforts to climb because it’s too high for me. That wall looks lower and easier for other guys than mine. Don’t be tricked by the guys who can easily climb your wall. The wall that can be easily climbed will be easily climbed back.
I’m sitting still silently. My eyes are in a daze and I’m jiggling my legs without knowing what I’m thinking. Am I just getting hurt more as I get close to you? Even though my heart hurts, I still want you. Your brightness makes me smile, so it hurts me more. As I always have been, I’m in an agony of finding answer how I can be loved by you. You are so new to me that I cannot even think of my silly tactics. I’m scared stiff. Am I dreaming an impossible dream? I’ve been always telling a sadness, but now I want to sing a happiness.
I think of what you said for a long time waiting for you to reach me out. And I hope your mellowness is arrived in every morning. As I draw what you said, I feel your intents and emotions. I regret for what I could not give you when I look back at them. I feel stupid for not understanding what you wanted in that moment. It suffocates me to think of my fear. But now I know that you wanted me to open myself to you. I know that you wanted me to do what you told me to do and you wanted to know more about me. Can I talk to you again? I will give you everything. I will give you all my love.